In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
