K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize