I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
