My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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