forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
