I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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