I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
