Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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