quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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