fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
