guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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