I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
