If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
