I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
