this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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