oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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