i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am mentally ready for anal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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