Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
