pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
