the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
