i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize