I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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