the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
