how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
its liver damage thursday
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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