lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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