I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
