But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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