So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
