Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
