I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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