Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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