She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
