By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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