I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
