He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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