I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
