and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
