After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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