also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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