Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
