you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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