i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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