I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
