I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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