I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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