Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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