My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
