I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
