I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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