bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
