someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
