I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
