There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
