is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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