none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize