they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
