Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
