My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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