I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
