i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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