Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
