I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
