I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
