He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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