How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
