I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
