Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
